Baby, you can drive my car...

For the Week of February 11, 2008
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GH Two Scoops: Baby, you can drive my car...
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I think the citizens of Port Charles all went to the same Toyota-thon, as it appears they all drive identical black sedans.

I think the citizens of Port Charles all went to the same Toyota-thon, as it appears they all drive identical black sedans. It's hard to determine who ran Sam down, because all of our suspects, Elizabeth, Monica, Carly, and Nikolas have black sedans. All 4 cars have blood or scratches, or dents, or some other clue that might lead us to believe they are the guilty hit and run driver.

Elizabeth thought she hit the shoulder of the road. When Jason told her he found blood on her bumper, she supposed she may have hit a squirrel or a dog...if she mistook Sam for a squirrel on whatever pain meds she is taking; I want a handful of those bad boys. We have heard for years that Carly doesn't drive due to a traumatic accident in her past, so she picked a dark winter night for a test drive?

Monica was out driving under the influence. Really? Is this the same Monica whose golden child Jason became brain damaged after being driven into a tree by his drunken driving brother AJ? Tracy with her FAB new haircut is carefully following the details of Monica's supposedly stolen car. And finally, Nikolas was out driving around with a brain tumor while he's hallucinating about his dead fiancée whom he may have killed because he has bouts of rage he can't recall?

Yeah, that all makes perfect sense...

This is the same ploy they used with the text message killer - the day we see the TMK strangling someone in a black sweater; we suddenly see every man in Port Charles come into Kelly's wearing the same exact black sweater. Of course now, they are trying to steer us toward Logan Hayes - he showed up at Lulu's door with inexplicable bruises and injuries, and we saw Kung Fu Sam whack her attacker in the gut, so could it be Logan?

I don't know at this point - we have been jerked around one too many times. Several of my clever readers think it's one of Port Charles finest - you know - the random cop who is always lurking around when Mac is "investigating". Funny how his investigations never lead anyplace...he is constantly saying "I am going to find out who did this!" BUT HE NEVER FINDS OUT.

Speaking of finding out, I can hardly to hear Sonny's response now that he's found out that his one-night stand was the horny offspring of Anthony Zacharra. My guess is he won't be very pleased about it, and he's paranoid enough to think it was a set up. I have to wonder, is he still taking his meds? He's starting to get a little crazy again and I am not so sure it's just being lovesick over Kate... Will he sleep with Claudia again now that he knows who she is?

When I saw Claudia and Carly in the room together, I hyperventilated a little. I wasn't sure if I could deal with seeing dueling Carly's side by side. But, alas, it wasn't as jolting as I suspected. Both of these ladies are so talented and have defined their characters well enough that I truly didn't see S.J.B. as Carly anymore. I saw two distinct and different women, Carly and Claudia. I liked that they connected for a minute, although I doubt their new found friendship will last for long.

Carly is going to be too busy too have friends anyway, between being pregnant, managing a hotel, and trying to reign in Mini Me Mobster, Michael. When Mike caught Michael buying bullets, why didn't he check the kid's pockets for extras? Oh, this storyline is infuriating me. I know where it's leading (which I won't divulge here as I know the purists among you dislike spoilers) and I am not looking forward to the outcome. I pray they take this seriously - with all the handgun deaths this week, it would be a good time for a soap morality lesson about gun control, in my humble opinion. I used that phrase last week and my friend David said "Since when has your opinion been humble?" and we laughed and laughed...

File under "disappointed..." I was looking forward to watching the relationship of Ric and Marianna unfold; a good rapport and chemistry was brewing between them. But then I tuned in to hear my least favorite Soap Announcer Line "The role of Marianna (or anyone else) is now being played by...." So, they gave us several days of lead up with Ric and Marianna #1, and just as we get to the big payoff, they do the old bait and switch and recast the role. GH is notorious for this - the one I will never forgive them for is recasting Edward Quartermaine and having to watch Fake-ward at Lila's funeral. Of course now, thankfully, we have the delightful John Ingle back in place.

Of course, I didn't have as much invested in Marianna as she's a new character, but I do know that I thought America Olivo and Ric Hearst had chemistry, but the new actor taking her place does not have chemistry with Ric. In fact, to be blunt, I find her somewhat dull and uninteresting to watch. I can't figure out why they would recast the role in less than 2 weeks time. I searched for explanations and only found "The character was recast due to a change in direction." Whatever that means...Bottom line, I was looking forward to a love storyline for Ric, and now I am not. Bummer.

Don't hate me for saying this, but Maxie is growing on me. I loathed her for so long during the Lucky debacle it was hard for me to stop hating her. I admit I hold grudges against fictional characters even though I realize that's insane. (After I saw The Color Purple, I couldn't bear to watch Danny Glover in anything until Angels in the Outfield came out, and only finally liked him at the end when he adopts the kids.) Maxie and Spinelli working together to prove Coop's innocence is very endearing. He softens her, and she strengthens him. This could be the start of a beautiful friendship. But I expect that's all it will be - I think that Logan may go back for another roll in the hay with Maxie after seeing Lulu and Johnny locking lips.

Maxie just got her first big break in the case to clear Coop's name as Sam confides that the Text Message Killer is the one who chased her into the road and into the path of an oncoming car. Lucky may not believe Sam, but Maxie sure does as her faith in Coop is unwavering.

Is Logan the killer? I sure hope not, but they sure want us to think that. Logan left the hospital, or at least we saw him board the elevator to leave. We saw him emerge to stalk Lulu and Johnny while they were making out on the Haunted Star. At the same time, the Text Message Killer is hovering over Sam's bed in his black ski mask, so that should eliminate Logan, right? Um, if someone walked into the hospital lobby wearing a ski mask, wouldn't someone notice? Probably not, since Epiphany is struggling with grief over losing her son Stan and isn't as zoned in as usual and the new tribe of bimbo nurses are just daydreaming about the new doctor.

I would be absolutely petrified to be a patient at GH right now. Monica is boozing it up with a handy flask in her locker. Patrick is distracted by romps in the supply closet with Leyla, and bickering with Robin. Dr. Devlin is doctor by day, criminal cohort of Jerry's by night. Robin is hopped up on pregnancy hormones and testier than usual. No Name Nurse is coming on to Nikolas by using his hallucinations of Emily to get close to him. Epiphany is in mourning for Stan and about to snap. Noah Drake must have gone on tour with Eli Love, as he's been gone since the big concert. Elizabeth is having flashbacks about the fire and might get hooked on the same pain pills Lucky did. (Wouldn't that be funny?) They never hired anyone to replace Emily. Dr. Ford and Ms. Sneed just march around the corridors all day tossing out uninsured patients. I think the citizens of Port Charles might have better luck at another medical establishment, like maybe County where they tried to send the lady who was married to Joe the Fake Bomber.

Let's get back to Robin and her hormones... Could it be hormones messing with her usual clear headed thinking that caused her to become the biggest hypocrite in Port Charles? She has always been the big 'Baby's Daddy' Secret Teller of the whole town. When Carly didn't want AJ to know he was Michael's father, it was Robin who blew that particular secret. When Jax was trying to protect Spencer (at that time, baby John) from maniacal Helena Cassadine by claiming he was the Baby's Daddy, Robin shot her mouth off then, too. So now, faced with her own paternity secret - Robin does the EXACT thing she has lectured people about and lied to the father of her child. This is totally out of character for Robin. I feel confident saying that as I have been watching her on GH since she showed up as a precious little girl with Anna Devane eons ago. So Patrick doesn't want to be a dad. Tell him anyway Robin. In my soap related daydreams, Carly gets hold of that info and finally gets even with Robin for meddling in her life.

On a sad note, Shell Kepler (who played gossipy nurse Amy Vining) died this week at the age of 49. Long time viewers like me will remember Shell fondly as Laura's sister (in name only,'s a long story. Amy Vining was the go to girl if you wanted the latest dirt. She knew everybody's secrets and didn't even bother trying to keep them. I'd like to offer condolences to her family and friends; she was loved by many GH fans.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Luke have to beg Carly for a suite at the Metro Court? Will Grandpa Mike pummel the little thugs who sold Michael bullets with that Louisville Slugger he keeps behind the counter at Kelly's? Will it dawn on Liz if she sneaks off to the "safe house" to make goo-goo eyes at Jason every 4 minutes eventually one of them will be followed there? Will Lucky have to fold the laundry now that Liz has a sore shoulder? Will Claudia wear red flip flops to the beach this summer? Will Ghost Alan follow Tracy to her next home, or will he stay at the Q mansion and haunt someone else so he can sit in his favorite chair? Will Kate join an "I used to be from Bensonhurst" 12 Step Support Group?

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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