Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to talk about this thing called Life. (And GH!) Before we launch into GH, I just want to say to the world or whoever is reading that I am crushed by the death of Prince. Until the end of time, I will truly adore him.
Did you know there is a GH/Prince Connection? Back in the mid 90s, it was rumored that Prince was a GH fan and called and asked Vanessa Marcil (then playing Brenda) to be in his "Most Beautiful Girl in the World" video. Some stories say she was the inspiration for the song, others say it was his ex-wife Mayte. I don't know which is true, but it sure is a beautiful song, and Vanessa is ridiculously gorgeous in that video.
Back to this week's shows... I'm not going to tread lightly here, I'm just going to come out and say it: I'm bored with GH right now. So bored that I can barely stay awake when I watch it, I keep doing that head droopy thing where you don't realize you're asleep until your head drops into your lap -- so bored that I've been enjoying the super campy guilty pleasure of B&B more than GH. I can't even imagine how they will interest me in sweeps week in May -- there is nothing building that I'm dying to see the outcome of; there is nothing I am anticipating. I really do miss Ron Carlivati.
I'm tired of the Hide and Go Seek with Sabrina. Last week, if I had done a drinking game where I did a shot when someone said "I wonder where Sabrina is," "We need to find Sabrina to confirm her statement," or "Has anyone heard from Sabrina?" I'd still be trying to sober up. Thankfully, Sabrina's Tia forgot to hide the baby's rattle, so we can wrap this up quickly. Also, the fact that Michael is still chasing her down after she's lied to him repeatedly seems odd to me.
I'm also bored with Jordan's jealousy over Anna with Andre. Maybe because she was such a Cheaty McCheaterton with her husband and Shawn, she thinks everyone's a cheater. Even after he grabbed her and kissed her, he just picked up his clipboard and left. What? Ugh.
I am proposing that we change Kiki's name to NeeDee because she is, or at least Franco has convinced himself that she is. Kiki's jumping at every noise would seem less contrived if we'd ever heard loud booms in that apartment before, or if her timing were slightly better. She reacts just a little bit late, and then I say to myself, "Oh, she just remembered she was supposed to jump." Don't get me wrong, I think Hayley Erin is adorable, and I am not bashing her, it's just those contrived scenes drive me nuts. It's not her; it's the writing. It's time to get Morgan out of the hospital so Kiki has an actual storyline.
But there are bright spots. Hamilton Finn, or better said Michael Easton. I can't figure Hamilton out yet. Is he a heroin addict? Is he injecting himself with some serum that turns him into a lizard? (I confess, I saw that one on Twitter, and it made me laugh.) If I were Carly, I'm not quite sure I'd let Josslyn spend too much time with him until we know him better.
Another highlight is Duke's long lost son, Griffin Munro. I think Duke is possibly still alive. They have said "It's a shame Duke will never know his son" one too many times. When Carlos said he didn't want or need Griffin's forgiveness and Griffin reached through the bars, I got a little bit giddy because I think there's more to him than meets the eye.
Griffin seems to know Nathan, but Nathan doesn't seem to know or recognize Griffin. Why? Is Griffin somehow connected to Claudette? Is he the guy Claudette cheated with, or perhaps her brother? I can't quite figure out their connection yet.
Also, the best performer on GH this week was Finola Hughes, hands down, no contest. Anna's confession, which put her in jail, and her tearful explanation of what killing Duke meant to her family was so moving. Year after year, Finola Hughes never ages and gets better and better in every scene. Why doesn't she have a stack of Emmy's? I think her last win was in the 90's? She's due. Hey, Anna, take Paul's deal and get out of jail. We need you. Some of these things are anticlimactic because we know that Anna isn't going down for attempted murder.
Next, I know it sounds mean, but I even enjoyed Sam having nightmares about Helena. Please give us some villains to liven the joint up. Paul Hornsby is a boring villain. Carlos has flair, but he's been written into a corner. Just like Duke, everyone in the Soap Diva's household thinks Helena is still alive (my husband, who pretends he doesn't watch GH keeps saying, "I don't believe Helena is really dead!") Good guess, my young sudsy Jedi.
Tracy bantering and playing backgammon with Dr. Finn for cash is a delight. Dr. Finn examining NuJosslyn's mystery rash -- not such a delight. That feels like a cheap way to get Carly and Dr. Finn in the room together. Emma is gone (but coming home for a visit), Spencer is gone, and now Josslyn is much older than the other kids. I miss them.
In happier GH news, I am elated about Lulu and Dante's grand reunion. It was a perfect mixture of light romance and heavy truths, working on marital issues mingled with sizzling chemistry and passion. The reunion even came with a new bed and comforter! Now all they need is a new apartment that has an actual bedroom!
On the other hand, Maxie and Nathan and the mystery of Claudette continue to make me angry. They made Dudley Do Right a liar, and apparently there are more lies in his head that he hasn't spoken yet, and I'd like to have just one genuinely good, kind person on the show.
Perhaps Laura is filling that role right now while she wades through Helena's code with newly discovered cryptographer Kevin. I suppose they could be sweet together, but we all know that Laura prefers bad boys, and Kevin prefers kooks.
It's possible that I am hopelessly old-fashioned, but I have never talked about my sex life with my mom like Lulu was with Laura. My mom never once in her life asked me if Jeff and I had plans to get it on. And then, Kristina asked Sam if NuJason was as good as Old Jason in bed, and again, I never asked my sister which of her husbands rocked her world. Are these conversations the rest of you have with your moms and sisters? Maybe I am just out of touch.
That having been said, I thoroughly enjoyed the scene with Sam and Kristina, and Sam encouraging her little sister, that rang true. I loved that Sam told her about Sonny and Stone. I also like the new park setting they have been using, but it doesn't look like New York in spring. I was just in Ohio two weeks ago, and it was still 20 degrees and snowing.
Now on to the week's comic relief: Drunk Nina. My, oh my. After that show, I tweeted Michelle Stafford and told her that was me for like the entire 80s. Trying to rip off Dillon's shirt in her drunken stupor but then passing out and having to be carried to bed and waking up with smeared mascara all over her face? Yep. Been there.
Poor Franco. He did pick up an adorable little face-licking puppy. I would pick a puppy over a baby 100 out of 100 times. Which is why I will probably die alone with just a dog by my side. But Nina wasn't feeling the puppy at all. Literally. She didn't even pet it once! In her defense, France refusing to go on a vacation with her so he could babysit Kiki would have made me mad, too.
What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Sonny realize it's unwise to offer his daughter a job in the same coffee warehouse where his son Michael got shot in the head? Will anyone point out that it's even more curious that Alexis would sign off on it. Am I the only one who remembers GH history? Will Mayor Lomax ever get busted so Felicia can be mayor? Will we find out that "Heartbreak Hotels" means that Helena has Elvis down in her cryogenic freezer and that Elvis and Stavros have been bunking together in the deep freeze?
Will Monica find a way to get Liesl to allow Finn to stay at GH, or will she have to put on a Faison mask to trick her into signing his contract? Will Ned stay in Port Charles and help Michael run ELQ, or fill the void Prince left by donning his leather pants and going on tour as Eddie Maine again? Will Alexis be able to live with herself if she gets Carlos off after he confessed to shooting Sonny? (That's a trick question. If she gets to keep Julian, of course she will be able to live with it!) Will NuJake like the regifted puppy?
Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.
What are your thoughts on General Hospital? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- and there are many ways you can share your thoughts.