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For the Week of November 15, 2004
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The revised edition of the Soap Logic Handbook

The revised edition of the Soap Logic Handbook will include the following new observations: 1) If you're a Hot Doctor, you do not need to don an unstylish surgical mask, gown, or gloves. It's perfectly fine to wheel a sick baby into surgery in your 501 Button Fly jeans, and your Tommy Hilfiger dress shirt unbuttoned enough for some rippled chest to show through. The practice of medicine runs a distant second to style. Of utmost importance: the ability to flaunt your fashion sense while caring for your patients. You probably don't have to scrub your hands either, (soap can dry your skin and Steven Weber is so...soft and smooth right now) but the camera didn't follow him that far, so I cannot substantiate that accusation. 2) If you are a nursing student who started training only 3 months ago, it's okay for you to be the sole nurse on a hospital floor, and do things that other nurses have to go to school for 2-4 years to accomplish. (It helps if you are the Hot Doctor's sister.)

Okay, readers. That's it. That's all I got this week. No, scratch that. That's the only thing that I can poke fun of this week. The rest must be handled with care.

Two weeks ago I called the writer's crackheads, and everyone who sent me letters agreed. I did not get any "Hanging Chad" votes; they were all quite clear in their intent; You agreed that the stories that week were really dumb.

Fast forward to this week; no, wait - rewind a decade or so... Allow me to go on record...if someone asked me "What is the single most touching thing you ever saw on GH over the years?" without hesitation, I would say the "BJ's death/Maxie's Heart transplant" storyline. Period, the end. I can't think of anything I have ever seen on television that moved me like that story. When Tony Jones came into Maxie's room and laid his head on her chest so he could hear BJ's heart beating - I cried for 2 hours after the show went off. If I ever have the honor of meeting Claire Labine, I may just bow down at her feet. The writing was stupendous, the acting was stellar -even from people I previously considered lightweights, like Kristina Wagner. It was brilliant.

So, why am I talking about that now? Many of you have no idea who BJ is, and could care less. To make it simple, BJ=Sam's Baby, Maxie=Kristina. One baby died so another baby could live. That's the common ground. And the same writers whom I called crackheads two weeks ago, made me openly sob this week. Not that this was a clone of the BJ story, it was not - it had many dfferent angles - I am not in any way accusing the writers of recycling a plot - just comparing the two like when people say "If you like Clay Aiken, you may also like Barry Manilow."

I did not want Sam's baby to die. We took every step with Sam through her pregnancy, watched her anticipate her baby's arrival, watched her change and grow into a better person because she had a child to live for. It hurt us, the audience when the baby died, as we were invested. I was devastated and a little peeved the writers killed the baby. But you know what? That happens to real people. It's happened to people I know. They wait for months for a baby to arrive, and -then, sadly, it doesn't. It's tragic. It's heartbreaking. All the actors involved played those scenes for all they were worth, and hey gang, you earned your paychecks this week. If you watched GH this week and didn't cry at all - check your pulse, you may be one of the living dead.

Alexis may have been the most polarizing character this week. Did I love her, or hate her? Both, actually... While I understood her willingness to do 'whatever it took' to save Kristina's life - I loathed her for bellowing at Sam when Sam was only trying to do the same and protect her own baby. When Alexis went into the chapel and started badgering Sam - I wanted Jason to burst in and punch her. But again - if the roles were reversed - Sam would have been badgering her just as hard. When Alexis said "If the situations were reversed, I would do it" - we all agree she's a big liar, right? She would not do anything to put Kristina in jeopardy, even if the risk would save 50 babies, much less 1. This is the woman who worked as Dobson in drag and flirted with Alice to be with Kristina when she lost custody. There are no lengths she would not go to in order to keep her baby safe. And that's as it should be. I have a Mom like that, and I had a Dad like that, so I know what a blessing it is to know someone always has your back. That is a rare and wonderful thing to possess in this life.

I must confess it's been very difficult for me to watch GH this week. I've been to 5 funerals in the past 6 weeks, and I'm about spent. In fact, tomorrow will be the memorial service for my Dad at his church in Florida - the one that didn't happen the week he died due to being evacuated for a hurricane. I am here in San Diego unable to attend... So- watching Kristina nearly die, watching Sonny wrestle with the choice of giving Sam's baby's stem cells to Kristina, watching Jason hold Sam's dead baby and kiss it's forehead, watching Connor go to Mary's grave and grieve for her, seeing Sam staring into the nursery window hoping her baby would somehow be there and then collapsing into the floor with Jason when she realized her baby was really gone - it was just too sad.

Kelly Monaco should get an Emmy. When she came on the show, I was not all that enthused. While she has been on the show, I haven't been WOWED by her. Until this week, and now, I am wowed. Her scenes with Jason, Sonny, and Alexis were all absolutely riveting - I was getting annoyed at the universe for any sound or movement that distracted me from examining her grief. (Like that damned loud crow that sits outside my window and wakes me up with his loud CAW at 6 AM. Anyone wanna lend me a paintball gun? He'd look better in BLUE, I think. : )

And I don't want anyone thinking I am singling out Kelly - Maurice Benard, Steve Burton, Nancy Lee Grahn, Rick Hearst, Ingo Rademacher, Alicia Leigh Willis - everyone who had a scene that involved this storyline was...perfect.

Strangely enough, I didn't even hate Connor as much this week. I kind of want him to sleep with Emily, as Nik slept with Mary, so it's only fair, right? But - then Connor would have the same tattoo as Nik and they couldn't explain that away. The accent is either A) Better this week, or B) I have been crying so much my ears aren't working properly and it's still dreadful, but as I think so highly of Tyler Christopher's acting skills - I will go with A. Mind you, it's still dumb that these two are identical suddenly - but we're working with what we have got. Maybe Emily can sleep with Connor thinking he is Nik and end up pregnant. Hey! I wonder if Carly got pregnant with Sonny's Robo-Sperm when she seduced him right before telling him about his daughter Kristina.

Speaking of sperm, apparently Luke spread a lot of sperm around Port Charles, too... So we are now to believe Luke and Heather had some "Wild Weekend" together 25 years ago (Oh wait, isn't Lucky 35 now?) and it was SO GOOD that Heather would kidnap Luke's wife and hold her hostage for all these months, and would have Edward committed, etc? Luke must be really amazing in bed to have a woman obsessed with him 20 + years over a 1 night stand...

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Hannah, Karen and Brenda come back to town with kids that belong to Sonny, too? Will Jax suggest he and Courtney go to his place to have sex where no teens can walk in on them? Will John Durant remember he is sick and go back to the hospital? Will Lorenzo start stalking Carly again? (I hoe so) Will Alan and Monica ever notice that Edward has been institutionalized and that Heather is living in their house? Will Jason get Sam pregnant with a new baby that will be hers and his? Will Michael fail school since he never, ever, ever goes to class?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, so I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.

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