Mystery date

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Carly's charity event is possibly the strangest Bachelor Auction on record.

Carly's charity event is possibly the strangest Bachelor Auction on record. Let me recap... (And don't tell me it wasn't supposed to be a Bachelor Auction, because it's called that right on ABC's own website.)

1) Ric isn't a bachelor.

2) Dillon isn't a bachelor, not to mention, he's like...12.

3) Diego is a stalker out of jail on a technicality.

4) Max is a thug, not to mention a substitute for Sonny who was home sulking in the dark and plotting to have his "brother" murdered.

5) Lorenzo is a mob boss with an illegitimate mob heir on the way.

6) Noah and Patrick both just had major surgery. (Although, it's only fair to note that our virile Dr. Dreamboat already recuperated enough to have a fling with the blonde bimbo who busted in on him and Robin.)

7) Jax is technically a bachelor, but I pity da fool who'd try to fight Carly for him.

8) Nikolas was a viable bachelor, but ended up playing musical chairs dating with his pseudo Aunt Bobbie, his sister Lulu, and lastly, becoming his ex-wife's pity dance since she dumped Sonny 14 minutes prior (But still had time to go home and change into he bawl gown for a charity event.)

9) Lulu, Maxie, and Georgie are all hot teenage girls who don't need to pay for dates, not to mention none of them has any money. How much money are they going to raise for the Tony Jones Memorial wing if the tickets are only going for 20 bucks?

10) Notably missing? Big Alice. Why not let her bid on some hunky honey? That would have made for much more fun. Not to mention if my new favorite nurse Epiphany had been in attendance.

11) I'm really surprised they didn't try to auction off Manny, he's really no worse than all the other criminals. And Damn! He has a lot of tattoos!

12) Ned is a bachelor, but sadly not present. Wally Kurth looks great in a suit. Edward Q is a bachelor and surely some old chicks like Lulu's Grandma Lesley or Amanda Barrington would have enjoyed a nice dinner with the Real and Very Welcome John Ingle version of Edward Q, right?

13) Jason was in jail and Sam was at the auction saying "Jason wanted me to be here." Really? Carly thought the idea up after Jason was in jail, and I don't recall any visits from Sam to the PCPD where Jason said "Honey, don't sit around moping for me because my "brother" is sending me to prison for life. I really want you to go to that charity auction and buy a date with someone else."

All that having been said; I loved this event. Back when I was Lulu's age, I would have gone to such an event and bid on Alan Quartermaine (a.k.a Prince Charming) or the dreamy Scotty Baldwin) so I can't deny today's teens the chance to daydream, can I?

I loved GH every second this week. I only touched the Tivo 3X fast forward button during commercial breaks. We are building up to May Sweeps and thus there are no wasted scenes and every moment is filled with fire. The acting and writing are all so brilliant right now I don't even know where to begin heaping praise on the cast and crew of GH.

Let's start with comedy. The writers took the underused character of Max who generally just stands at attention by Sonny's door, and put him in the center of a hysterical dream sequence where we discover he is secretly in love with Carly. Priceless.

And we can't forget the Q Mansion scenes of various people clubbing Robert in the head and locking him in the freezer. Mind you, Dillon seems to have forgotten the whole Sage Alcazar incident and is happily back to imprisoning people in a vacant freezer as though it's a fine idea. Another priceless moment of comedy came when Tracy was sitting on Roberts lap undoing his handcuffs and Dillon walked in on them and we hear him scream "I'm scarred for life! Scarred for life!"

Moving on to the next topic - the sensational use of Flashbacks. Wow. I have watched GH for 30 years. That's right, I said 30. I started watching when I was 15 - so, do the math, I am 45 and still watching. I loved seeing the old footage of Robert and Holly, and Sonny and Jason in their younger days. The use of flashbacks fulfills 2 purposes - it salutes the history of the show and gives old faithful viewers like me a happy chance to reminisce. It also serves to draw newer viewers into a storyline and catch them up to speed with how those old storylines play into the current storylines and help them understand character's motivations.

Speaking of motivations, I read a great quote by Bob Guza this week in Soap Opera Digest - he's explaining why he had to kill off a character (I won't list which one to keep this spoiler free for those of you who like to be surprised) but he says "I hate to lose___________. Unfortunately, you find yourself in a place where the story rolling out is just so extraordinary that you can't NOT do it." And that's the thing with a show's history. When you watch a show for a long time, you know characters as well as you know your friends and we can always tell when the writing is true to the character. This week, when Sonny issued a hit on Jason, the ever wise beyond his years Michael came in all cute and precious talking about how he still loves his parents even when they tell him to do stuff he doesn't want to do. And then acting magic - we saw the amazing ability of Maurice Bernard to show a subtle shift in his eyes, a change of mind that we witnessed on his face. We knew he wasn't going to be able to go through with it, and we watched breathlessly as he began frantically calling the shooter to stop the hit while we were watching Jason with a gun aimed directly at him. But Jason didn't get hit, Sam did and we saw her lovely white party dress and Jason's hand smeared with blood.

Next I want to just focus on one person. Laura Wright. Was there ever another Carly? I barely remember anymore. She is so phenomenal in every scene I am riveted by her constantly. Of course I still love 2 of our past 3 Carly's and haven't really forgotten them, but I am delighted with our current Carly. The scenes she had with Sonny this week when she realized he had actually turned Jason into the police were Emmy worthy - she conveyed anger, betrayal, shock and pain and the whole gamut of emotions effortlessly. And her scenes with the dashing Ingo Rademacher are charming and sweet and romantic and vulnerable. I pray the rumors of his departure are untrue; this pairing of Jax and Carly is the best idea in eons. They are wonderful together. Carly had an epiphany about Sonny that has freed her from him in a way she has never been free before - she is finally her own woman.

And, since I have been so hard on Emily lately, may I applaud her for finally growing a spine and moving out of "Sonny's Den of Iniquity" as Edward so delightfully put it. She went back home hoping to save Sonny and her brother from killing one another. Good girl. That was selfless and honorable, I am so proud of you. Call me crazy, but I am still rooting for Emily and Nikolas to get back together. I am a sucker for soul mates and true love and destiny. Even though these two have been through the fires of hell, they still love each other and they have belonged together from the start and I want a happy ending for them.

I was also very impressed with Ignacio Serricchio as Diego this week. His tirade at Maxie at the bachelor auction was another priceless moment. He calls her a princess and points out that he had a tough life while she had oodles of love from the universe and that perhaps she shouldn't be so judgmental. His final line was "What have you done with your pathetic life that's so much better than what I've done with mine?" left Maxie speechless, as well it should have. Back when he first came to GH, I routinely criticized him for being so wooden in his acting, but all that is gone and his scenes were biting and believable and full of passion. I love to watch people grow in their abilities - he shined.

Another noteworthy scene was Monica's heart to heart talk with Skye. Both Skye and we the viewers expected Monica to attack Skye, the tow of them have never been particularly close, but instead, Monica started with a tender "I haven't been a very good mother.." and both Skye and we the viewers had to drop our defenses and hear what she said. She made a good case - mother to mother to protect her child above all. And let's face it, as wonderful and handsome as Lorenzo Alcazar is, he still is a criminal who keeps company with the likes of Manny. Of all the things people have said to Skye to try to get her to dump him, Monica's little testimony about motherhood may be the thing that works.

I am worried about Lucky. He and his pain meds are out of control. The slurred speech and loading his gun in his hospital bed and the "where did he get all that wadded up paper to shoot hoops into his trash can"? Robin made it her business to tell Liz to go see her drugged out hubby, and my new favorite charter Epiphany gave her the "Where would we all be without you to monitor our lives?" speech. Viva Epiphany! I think Lucky needs a visit with Gail Baldwin, or Kevin Collins or Lainey - whichever GH shrink can get him the first appointment...

GH is a jigsaw puzzle, and this week all the pieces fit and made one perfect picture. A canvas full of color and depth and beauty. I keep trying to pick it apart and applaud various pieces, but the picture would be incomplete without any one piece. It was a brilliant week in every way, and it made me glad I didn't give up during some of the weaker weeks, (or years, as the case may be.) Congratulations to the whole cast and crew on their Daytime Emmy for Best Daytime Drama, it was richly deserved, and especially this week.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Lulu have to buy a ticket to have dinner with her brother Lucky in the hospital cafeteria? Will Dr. Patrick Drake pull out his stitches from that liver transplant trying to bed everyone but Robin? Will Robert be outwitted by Luke, or will Luke be outwitted by Holly, or will Holly be kicked in the teeth by Anna, or will Tracy save the day? Will Jax accept Carly's marriage proposal and really throw Sonny over the edge? Will Nikolas give Emily some of that cold medicine they have on the CBS Soaps that knocks you out so bad you can sleep with Ridge or Malcolm without knowing so he can "seduce" Emily? Will Lucky start shooting the TV in his hospital room like Elvis and wearing sequined jumpsuits?

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