Dear readers, if you get the reference in my title, please, please tell me, because it means we can be friends. If you don't get the reference, that's okay, too -- but you will still get the meaning.
Remember when we thought Duke came back to life, but instead, it was creepy Faison stuffing his unkempt hair into a Duke mask? This time, Holly just happened to have a lifelike replica of Anna mask in her suitcase to pull off a murder. Or is it murder? We don't know yet. Is Lucy dead, or does Victor have a secret unused room like Nikolas, where he's hiding Lucy in some other wing of Wyndemere?
Is there some sinister mask shop in Port Charles that promises to make lifelike replicas of anyone's face? "Yes, please, I'd like to impersonate the former chief of police and superspy Anna Devane. Can you please hook me up?" Are they having a Black Friday sale where we can all swing by at 5:00 a.m. and try to get a limited supply of Caesar Faison masks? I don't know, but it certainly was convincing, wherever she got the mask. Will Robert accept her explanation and forgive her? My guess is that Victor has Ethan and/or Luke holed up somewhere. Will Robert be able to take Victor down and save Anna and Holly's family?
I was worried that Robert had gotten soft in his old age. Laura saw through Holly, while Robert seemed to be under her spell. We know Alex isn't back from the dead, so one possibility has been eliminated. But if Victor has some big take-over-the-world scheme, why is he spending so much time framing Anna?
I love Charles Shaughnessy, so if this slow-boil storytelling keeps him around longer, so be it. However, at some point, the writers will have to let us know his big plan. Have they even dreamed it up yet? Are they still at the writer's table, bickering over how he will take over the world? Are Britt, Cody, and that gem-filled necklace in the center of it?
Readers, did you anticipate we'd have to celebrate the anniversary of "Dead Christmas Baby" to ruin two Christmases in a row? Yeah, me neither. But here we are. It seems Gladys is poised to lose all of Sasha's money to Ms. Wu in a poker game. If she does, I will hate her again. I was just starting to warm to the new and improved Gladys, and they are going to make her an idiot again.
So, we had a kooky and feisty new Heather that everyone seemed to love, and she was gone in two days. Is that the end of her?
Likewise, this week, we had a new temporary Nikolas, as Marcus Coloma was out sick. This temp Nik sparked a bit of a controversy. Why? Because Tyler Christopher, the original Nikolas, mentioned that he was available if Marcus needed a fill-in, and the Internet went wild. Yes, if Tyler is available, he absolutely should be the guy to step in. Tyler Christopher is beloved, and we automatically see him as Nikolas. He knows the role and the other actors. It makes perfect sense. I believe in second chances, and I pray he gets one.
Honestly, I wish all soaps had A and B teams. It would be fantastic for the actors who want to do outside projects and less jarring for the viewers. For instance, Kelly Monaco was out a couple of times this year, and Lindsay Hartley stepped in. Chad Duell was out a couple of times this year, and Robert Adamson filled in. When Amanda Setton was on maternity leave, Briana Lane stepped in. If we had two Niks -- Marcus and Tyler -- when one was out or working on a project, we would accept both actors as Nikolas and would be delighted to see either. Same with the actors for Sam, Brook Lynn, and Michael.
But if a random person shows up every time someone is out sick, it's hard to adjust as a viewer. We must keep reminding ourselves who they are supposed to be. I hope the powers that be will consider my genius idea and have regular backups for existing contract actors.
Also, just a little thought on Marcus Coloma. Do you follow Marcus on social media? He's delightful, full of personality and fun. And he rarely gets to show that side of himself on GH and in the character of Nikolas. I would love it if the writers gave Nikolas more opportunities to shine with the life force inside the actor who plays him.
Did you notice the scene this week when Alexis and Finn ran into each other at an A.A. meeting? Wow, those two still have sparkly chemistry. If I were the writers and noticed that, I would immediately break up Liz and Finn and put Alexis and Finn back together. Liz talked about Lucky a few times this week, so let's get Jonathan Jackson to come home for Christmas when he hears that Liz had been brainwashed by her parents when he met her.
But instead, the writers are doubling down on the Jeff Webber saga. Liz nailed it when she told her dad he had abandoned her for 25 years and that it was too late to try to be her dad now.
What does GH have against moms? First, Hayden showed up with Violet and then vanished, never to be seen again. Then we had Finn and Chase's parents come back -- and now we still have Gregory, but Jackie Templeton slunk off into the night. A damn shame. Then we had Jeff and Carolyn Webber. Jeff showed up at GH, but Carolyn is apparently too busy to see her daughter after blowing up her life. Honestly, I don't want either of Liz's parents in town unless Heather returns to put Jeff out of his misery with a poisoned BLT.
Can anyone explain why we wasted so much time on the genetic testing storyline of Marshall "Hat Daddy" and Curtis when it turned out Curtis had zero markers? Does that mean Marshall isn't really his dad? Or that Marshall doesn't have schizophrenia? Who knows, but I have never been convinced that Marshall having schizophrenia was the real story. His hatred for Sonny and other clues along the way made me feel like the schizophrenia was just a ruse. If we are going somewhere with this, I hope we get there soon.
Readers, I dislike Portia more every day, and I want Jordan to tell Curtis her secret just for fun. When Jordan pulled Portia aside to say to her that Esme was back in town, Portia assumed she was going to talk to her about Trina's paternity and just went off on her. Portia should sit down with Taggert and Curtis and say, "Listen, when all this genetic testing stuff came up, it made me remember that when I got pregnant with Trina, I saw both of you. I never did a DNA test to see her father's identity back then. I assumed it was Taggert and just let it go, but now I am unsure." Would it be hard? Yes. Would they both be hurt? Yes. But does it need to happen? Yes. Why? Because the truth always comes out eventually, it would be better if the three of them sat down together to tell Trina than if she found out someday by accident while having a blood test.
Like, say, with Willow. Readers, I know I have been hard on Michael recently, but the scenes this week where Michael supported Willow and tried to organize a bone marrow drive at GH? Yeah, there's the Michael I love. Chad Duell was so warm and tender with Willow in those scenes. I sighed a sigh of relief in my heart that the Michael we loved was still in there. I know that if Michael needed Sonny's help to save Willow in any way, Sonny would help him.
And let's face it, readers, a turn of the tide is coming. When Willow is battling leukemia and Carly finally has to confess that she has known that Nina is Willow's birth mother, do you think Michael might switch to Team Sonny? Imagine the day he discovers that his beloved mother, whom he fiercely defended, kept this massive secret from his wife! Oh, that's going to be a good episode. Imagine the episode where Nina is all snuggled up with Wiley and her new grandbaby -- because they won't keep her from seeing her grandchild after she donates bone marrow to save Willow's life, right? Carly is going to be so mad! Imagine the day Drew realizes Carly lied to him about Nina and how that might impact their blossoming relationship!
But that having been said, I still want Nina to go down. My dad was a pastor, and he used to say that whatever you criticized in someone else was most likely your own sin that you feel guilty about. For instance, if you always think everyone else is lying, it's because you are a liar. You can't trust anything anyone else says because you are untrustworthy.
So, if my dad's theory was correct, Nina always thinks people are cheating on someone because she's a cheater. She thinks Willow is cheating on Michael with T.J. She thinks Carly is cheating on Drew with Brick. And every time she says, "I don't mean to cause any trouble," I want to punch her because she absolutely wants to cause trouble. She tattles on someone to Sonny and then pretends she regrets it. Ugh. She's a grown-up mean girl.
Sonny tries to play it off and tells Nina he doesn't care what Carly does because they are divorced, but he immediately goes to Brick and grills him because he obviously does care.
The worst thing about the Sonny/Nina pairing is that it isolates them from everyone else in town. Sonny used to have scenes with Carly, his kids, Jason, Alexis, and his grandkids, but now he's relegated to sitting at a table with Nina in nearly every scene. It's made Sonny's orbit very small. I am anxious for this storyline with Nina and Willow to blow up just so the two of them can interact with more people.
Speaking of Jason, I hesitate to dip my toe into a controversial topic, but I'm sad that Steve Burton is going to Days of our Lives instead of returning to GH. I still hoped that Jason would be alive and back in Port Charles. If Steve is not coming back, GH should call Billy Miller and see if they can persuade him to come back. We need Jason back on canvas, if only to tell Sonny about himself, as we know Jason would. I really need that scene where Jason looks at Sonny and says, "What the heck are you doing? You said family and loyalty were the most important things to you, and now you have alienated your family for the woman who let people think you were dead for a year!" Make it so.
I think the writers are trying to turn Joss and Dex into the next generation Carly and Jason. And the thing is, I'm not mad about it. I really like Evan Hoffer and Eden McCoy in scenes together. I thought the scene where Dex talked to Joss about his military service and let her into his heart a little bit was the start of something real between them.
I whine a lot about couples who do not have chemistry, so I must get excited when I see a team that sizzles. When Joss let Carly know that she had a bloody Dex stashed in her dorm room, Carly couldn't be upset about Joss's actions because she understood them all too well. She shook her head and admitted that Joss was just like her. Well, not just like. I mean, she hasn't played a game of sexy pool with Dex and slept with him yet.
Readers, I don't want to like Joss and Dex together because Cam is the sweetest kid in town. William Lipton is adorable in that role, and I don't want to watch Cam's heart break into a million pieces. I think it's time for Brooklyn Rae Silzer to come home as Emma and sweep Cam off his feet.
As I would write it, Emma comes home to visit Grandma Anna and Grandpa Robert for the holidays after Anna's name is cleared by Christmas. She feels nostalgic after being in Port Charles and seeing all her old pals and decides to stay and start the winter semester at PCU. Spencer should be out of Pentonville by then, and Emma, Cam, Spence, and Joss can hang out like the old days. Emma and Cam, Trina and Spencer, and Joss and Dex. Sounds fun, right? I doubt it will happen, but it would make my soapy heart happy.
But then, there is Esme. I want to forget that she is lurking out there, waiting to kill them all, but I can't. Avery Pohl did some fantastic acting this week. I love the scenes she is having alone talking to her baby "Ace." She displayed so much genuine emotion for the baby this week. It was moving. I almost felt sorry for her. Is Esme the Hook? Probably not, but Heather has been recaptured. (Boo! Way too short of a run for the fantastic Alley Mills.) As far as we know, Ryan is still safely locked up, pretending to be locked in, and the only other woman we know in Esme's life is her nanny. But we have had several Olivia Jerome mentions lately. Is it possible that Olivia and Ryan are pals? I don't know.
Readers, Trina went to visit Spencer in prison this week, and it was torturous, but in the best way. I think the saddest scenes in movies, TV shows, or real life are when two people love each other madly but continue to get in their own way and never find a way to make that love come to life. Oh, it kills me every time.
I scream at my TV, "Just tell her you love her!" "Just tell him you don't love Rory!" "Just tell each other!" And while Spencer finally told Trina that he never doubted her, that he knew she was innocent and was working on her behalf the entire time, it still didn't give us the kiss we had been waiting to see. These two kids make me crazy in the best possible way. I love them so much, and I'm rooting for them. Team Sprina for life. I love seeing their social media posts. They know how much we adore them -- Nicholas Chavez and Tabyana Ali are having fun with this season and embracing the white-hot fan base that Trina and Spencer have. I hope we don't have to wait too much longer for the payoff.
Of course, when Spencer gets out, he won't just have his love life to focus on. His psycho ex-girlfriend is holed up in his attic, pregnant with his father's child, so there's that.
Elizabeth stopped by Wyndemere this week to see her old friend Nikolas because she was curious about why he left her conked out on the docks. She was angry, and rightfully so. She asked Nik, "Would you have just left me on the pier if I was hurt?" He assured her he would not have done that. Liz was worried about Esme being seen, knowing that Cam, Joss, and Trina would be in danger if Esme was loose. Since Nikolas couldn't explain that away, he had to show Liz that Esme was alive and well, albeit a captive. It made me laugh that Liz seemed so shocked that Nikolas would sleep with his son's girlfriend when he slept with Liz while she was his brother's fiancée. I mean, it's a pattern.
Readers, when Esme faked her baby being in danger and Liz said she needed to do a Caesarean with no anesthesia, I laughed and laughed. Liz got the intended reaction as Esme hopped up and admitted she was faking. How long will Liz's conscience allow her to keep quiet? It is a little suspicious that the Hook killings have stopped while Esme is locked up. Maybe I'm wrong. Thoughts? Theories? I'm all ears.
Liz also got an offer that she could and did refuse this week. Carly offered to be there for her, and Liz politely declined. Carly was genuinely offering her friendship to Liz, but after all the years of animosity between the two, Liz gave Carly the stink eye and told her it would never come to that. The implication was, "I will never be desperate enough for a friend to turn to YOU."
But I think Carly was sincere. The one part of this storyline that I am enjoying is Carly's evolution. I believe everything Carly has gone through this past year -- losing Sonny, Jason, and her hotel, and the trip to Jacksonville to confront her past -- has changed her and made her a better version of herself. (Except for that pesky secret she's keeping from Willow.) But I certainly understand why Liz doesn't want to trust her. Carly stole a photo of Liz's parents out of the stack before Liz burned all her pictures, and I wonder just what she plans to do with it? Maybe a lovely photo ornament for a Christmas gift for Liz? Ha.
Liz's dad swung by GH to check on her but instead found Finn and got a punch to the face. I am still having a hard time swallowing this storyline. Can you imagine cheating on Finn with Jeff Webber? Have you seen a photo of a young Michael Easton? I mean, come on!
But I do understand Anna forgetting Finn for Valentin. Oh, my goodness, dear readers, those love scenes with Valentin and Anna made my little heart beat like a drum. The two of them are sizzling together. But Anna is heading off under an assumed name to who knows where and who knows for how long. Will these two star-crossed lovers get to ring in the New Year together? Finola Hughes and James Patrick Stuart are fire together.
Also, it's a shame that Laura and Victor are archenemies because Genie Francis and Charles Shaughnessy have a fun chemistry, too. When Laura was waiting for a launch and Victor arrived, she said, "I bet you have a lead life vest with my name on it." I howled. Because he probably does. Laura vowed to put her family back together after Victor tore it apart. I hope she puts it all the way back together by bringing Lucky home, getting a doctor to bring Lulu out of her coma, and finding out where Victor has Luke, Ethan, and Lucy stashed.
What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Ava stop by Wyndemere to pick up some paintings for her gallery and find a pregnant psycho in the attic? Will Drew and Michael make up with Ned so my precious little Leo can have a happy family Christmas? (I loved the Drew and Leo scenes.) Will Brick stay in town for a while, or was he just a prop device for Nina to accuse Carly of sleeping with him? Will Maurice Benard's son Joshua (Adam) be able to sleep after Joss makes him think there are bedbugs in the dorm?
Will Nikolas whisk Esme off to the island in Greece, only to find Grandma Helena alive, well, and ready to raise a psycho baby? Will Ryan move Liz to the top of his hit list for not helping Esme when she was in distress? Will Sam bring Dante another hoagie that is so sexy he feels the need to eat it behind the closed doors of the interrogation room? Will Laura go to the Soup Nazi of Port Charles to procure Martin's favorite soup to grieve over Lucy? Will Gladys lose Sasha's entire fortune in the first hand of Ms. Wu's poker game, or will it take a few rounds? Will Esme really name her baby Ace? (I hope so)
Will Mac's broken heart be cured when he discovers he is Cody's father, even though Cody is shady about the Ice Princess necklace? Will Brad and Britt get over their hangovers in time to hit next Friday's happy hour? Will Spinelli learn the difference between "Drunk and Disorderly" and "Dungeons and Dragons"? (A hilarious line!) Will Britt and Austin grow closer now that she has confided in him about her Huntington's disease? Will Maxie dig a little deeper now that she is getting suspicious of all of Austin's last-minute "emergency" surgeries? Will Agent Witten and the deputy mayor disappear when Victor realizes they have been bamboozled?
Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.
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